accelerating towards something. but i don't know what.

haven't written in months...least not online. instead i've been writing in my journal again. wish i could be consistent with both. It's been a crazy summer. feel like i've been through some stuff and come out a bit wiser but also a bit harder. on the verge of change.

The past month i've been staying in more and reading about a book every week. the weather is getting colder and fall has definately arrived.

wes was in town all week: the coast, concerts, art exhibts, games, more concerts, and camping. I feel revived and happy. erica was here last weekend as well. we rode bikes all over town and had a great time. i'm going to try harder to be a good sister. a good daughter. it's funny...but the older i get the more important family feels. i would have guessed the opposite would happen. last week was honestly the best time i've had at home since i left.



i start my new job at netflix tomorrow.
i can't fucking wait to have money. be debt free. and then buy a plane ticket.
i need to get rid of all the shit in my life that isn't useful or joyful.


the second ric mentioned that nz might be delayed i started thinking about nola again. now i'm thinking that i'll work and save money for six months and then move to nola for a few months. then nz.

[3:15am] checkin em off

my recipe for 'feelin bat shiz crazy':


mix together:

3 nights
101 degree fever
stressful dreamz
hallucinations
seizure chills
no food
1000000 glasses of ice water
5 shirts soaked in sweat
spandex shorts
no sleep
24 season 2 = 24 hours of tv
aches and pains
wayyyy too much TMZ
nataliedee
pillspillspills


stir gently, salt as desired, and serve with a side of FML.

[2:13am] bangarang.

two things about today that i want to remember:

dead baby rabbits in jars.

and

a couple came into the restaurant tonight. they were celebrating their anniversary by coming to the place where they had their first date. crazy in love after 20something years.


in other news:
i leave for new orleans in a week!
karl is a good kisser. whoops.
oakland ca.

how to have a drama free life: don't hang out with crazy people

you know that place between dreaming and being awake? that's where i'll always love you.

[2:36pm] seafoam green sunglasses.

jesushchrist i loveeeeeeeeeee my new sunglasses. sitting on the porch in the sun. soda pop.

monday night at work: me and maddie= dreamteam. i made $$$. noticed i had two days off in a row (that never happens). told maddie that we should drive to seattle for a few nights. she was down. left at midnight. dr pepper, red vines, dorritos, bon iver, and open road.

purrrrfect.

stayed with wes. wandered the city. showed maddie all my fav places (her 1st time to seattle). drunkness. mariners game. gasworks. h&m. saw erica for a few minutes (maddie thought she was rude. she always seems so cold to my friends). got some free beer (thanks erica) . ate some free food (thanks mom and dad). saw the girls. got lost in fremont. hung at the fountain. pike place at night. honey sticks and cherries. ocean. floating bridges. blue sky.

got home wednesday night. showered and passed out.
had an interview at radio room. wtf i guess i might get another job. prob not.

i want a car. i've been looking on cl. hmmm
i want to drive down to sf.
i want to move somewhere new next winter.
ric and luc>>>>>>>>>>>>hawaii. for reals

i'm rereading "air conditioned nightmare" by henry miller for the 100th time. it's a personal account of miller's travels throughout the US after living in france for 10years. he's brillant!

hot boy neighbors live down the street. they waved at me today. peed my pants a little bit. not really.

i'm in a really good mood and it feels great!

[9:27pm] something new.

2 days til i get paid
18 days til i leave for NO
26 days til lucy gets here!

i worked in the yard today. called annie.
annie: "what are you doing?"
me: "umm gardening...or at least trying to"
annie: "wait...what? your trying to grow living things? you're really freaking me out right now."


me and dan made a fire pit. so ready for summer!

SUMMER 2K10!

called hana back.
quinn is in rehab. it's impossible for me to imagine him doing heroin.
the last time i saw him he was17 and trying to get muscles.

called amber back.
she's still sleeping with whatshisface. then feeling bad about it.

i added up how much money i was spending out each month. OMFG. i need to stop.
i'd be rich if i could stop eating out/drinking booze.

[3:24am] bandwagon.

goddammit. i give up.

i'm jumping on the blog bandwagon. mostly out of boredom.
A limited effort to coax myself out hibernation (that has been the past few months).


what i'm reading: Life After God by douglas coupland.

time ticks by; we grow older. before we know it, too much time has passed and we've missed the chance to have had other people hurt us. To a younger me this sounded like luck; to an older me this sounds like a quiet tragedy.

remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. life's cruelest irony.

jesus christ. he can write.


what i'm thinking:
i miss speaking french everyday. i should take a class.
i love my space heater.
the tudors is fucking amazing.
cheezy wheezys RULE.
deleted okc. good riddance.
sometimes i want to dropkick lenny.
everybody is coupled off or desperate. lonely but annoyed.
haircut tomorrow.
researching programs abroad.
where the f is my camera cord.
losing shit=rageblackout
summer in pdx and then i'm gone.
i miss wes.
need to get it together.
i love making listsssssssssssssssssssss